April 16, 2015

Finding Direction

What does my life mean? What’s the purpose of me ‘KK’ in this world? Who will cry when I die? How will I actually feel when I die?

These are some questions that always float in my mind, just before I fall asleep. Then I begin to wonder… and sometimes I am afraid. Sometimes I feel lost. I feel alone. And to compensate that, I create an illusion around myself…an illusion with ‘words’. I create a fantasy world of fiction, which people around me tend to misunderstand.

It is because my ‘view’ is slightly different that theirs. I feel ‘blind’ if I don’t write. I know sometimes I tend to drift to my ‘dark’ past and re-create images, BUT am I not allowed an illusion of happiness through my past endeavors? But I always have to be cautious, so that my writings don’t hurt people.

Still, should I really care? My writings are my own, and my feelings are my own.

Am I lost? I sometimes feel that I have lost my purpose in my life. Then I become a rudderless ship, straying off course. I should captain my own ship, and steer my own course, so that the end leads to something satisfactory.

But…will it be satisfactory? Will it be enough?

[Now, unlike me, he knew exactly what he wanted...]