November 17, 2007

Failure is Inevitable

Failure is inevitable. That is a fact few people can accept. You just can’t have it all. And even when you have it all, you haven’t got it all because suddenly the word itself becomes an expanding concept. And if you did have everything you could conceivably want, then you lose your purpose in life. So we're all failures. It’s time to rejoice in the fact.

It is an obvious fact that life sucks. Of course it does. There are more cases of depression now as a percentage of the population now than there were sixty years ago.

People who refuse to accept their inadequacies are the true failures. There are people who still insist on walking round college and saying good morning to everyone. This is wholly ridiculous. There are very specific unspoken rules about people you can only talk to in groups, people you can only talk to if you see them in an unusual place, and people who you can only talk to if you’re very drunk. Acknowledging someone’s existence with a cold "hello" is initially aimed at forging a bond, but normally looks like you couldn’t think of anything to say. Which of course is exactly the case.
There are ways to deal with failure. One of the most humiliating examples of failure is to be dumped. The most common comeback is "No, I was feeling the same way" or "No, you’re right". These are bollocks. There is a far more effective technique.

There’s no point thinking about it. Failure remains the only certainty in life other than death. And death is little comfort, to be honest. I’ve been to heaven and its rubbish. There tends to be little in the way of pornography and it’s impossible to get a loaf of bread after midnight. So accept the truth: she’s out of your league, you’re not qualified, never in a million years. The only way to avoid failure is to never try in the first place. However, this could make you a rather dull person, so embrace failure as you would embrace a leper; through gritted teeth and with a massive sense of nausea. However, these days they can cure leprosy, but failure is here to stay.