August 28, 2008

To Err is Human

Dear Daisy Alden,
Life has been unfair to me, as I had been unfair to you.

Like all unfaithful I owe you an explanation of my actions. I know this cliched expression brings wrath in your eyes but I had to leave you for your own good. Yes, for your own good.

I was naive and young. And I was crazy in love, too crazy… to be precise. But one thing we both knew was I was not ready to be a father. I was never ready to be a husband. Come on …I was just 20.

I was just experimenting…I was naive and ignorant too. But I am not denying that I didn't love you. I did. I do. I enquire about you from people who know you. I keep track of you. But I am not stalking. I shall not show my face to you again. I might not be able to face you after our little incident.

I never believed I would fall in love again. But I did. Again, and again, and again. My capacity to love is immense but now the form has changed. I still love but differently.

There is this girl I am going to marry. Not now but later. But my feelings towards her are unlike love. I know she loves me and she would take care of me, but the feeling is different. She is perfect for me. My job now is to look after her comfort, as I know she will take care of me for ages to come.

Why am I sharing this to you? Because you knew me before her. Because you know me better than anybody. Because somewhere inside that mothers heart of yours, you still think about me sometimes.

If you see this new girl of mine, you will know everything. You will realize everything I have loved and lost to love. My capacity to love has taken a new turn.

I love, but my love is different. I don't understand it myself but I am learning. There are a lot of sacrifices that marriage demands, but I will learn to give them. You must be wondering what these things have got to do with you.

Well, the truth is I wanted your forgiveness and friendship before I take this next step. I want you to bless me, and because I wronged you I want to make it up to you, through her. If you don't extend your forgiveness and friendship, this relationship and the esulting
marriage will not be complete.

Forgive me… Reply now or later. It is up to you but just remember, you introduced me to the 'magic' of marriage.

A skeleton from your cupboard,

Dawa.