July 23, 2008

Am I Going Cuckoo?

I am 25, have a steady job earning 10+K and I am a bachelor. Most of my colleagues and friends are married but not me.

My seven brothers and sisters, including my younger sister, are married and have started their own families. But not me. I have had my share of relationships, many almost ending in marriage. My current girlfriend is hinting on marriage … and these hints are forcing me to push her away. I am afraid of marriage … the lifelong bonding, responsibilities,children … these are a no-no for me.

I want to be free.I want to be able to wake up every saturday, pack a bag, hop on the motorbike, and ride away … to return the next day. I want to do my laundry, do the dishes, wake up, sleep … whenever I want. I want to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I want freedom … and marriage cannot offer me that. Is it wrong to desire FREEDOM? Is it bad to be alone? I do feel pangs of lonliness, which I fill by having girlfriends, … but whenever they hint on marriage I put a stop to the relationship. I get cold feet and retreat behind a new woman. The status of women in my relationships is always as a girlfriend, not a wife. In the short adult life of mine, I have seen many a marriage, break up, that it gives me the chills. Would my comrades-in-nopkin knock some senses in me??