July 28, 2008

A Friend...and a Lover...Forever

The lady that reformed me through the toughest changing period of my adolescence is no longer in my life. She had to detach herself from me.

I was young and naive; full of energy, which were channeled in doing all the negative things in life. She was, at first, one of my energy outlet target. I was very charming, and using my hard-learned skills, I had her under my spell. The first time we really talked was when I realized that she was someone different. She was eight years older to me and she had a fiancée. I was a young ruthless lad. My associations with her were all, perfectly legal. Many a times I would sneak out to her room, where her roommate (my class mate) would disappear to share a couch in someone else's room. We would play, laugh, listen to music, eat noodles and sometimes, just hold each other. Once I kissed her on the lips. She kissed me back. That was the end. Nothing more.

So simple was our love. She would let me hold her tight and we would even lie down together. But sex was a no-no! Sometimes I would just lie down and pretend to fall asleep, I would feel her watching me, lovingly. Sometimes, we would embrace each other and sway to some music. Outside, we were just associates; inside we were in love. She taught me when to laugh and when to cry. She taught me when to make friends and why to make friends. She taught me that being friendly with the opposite sex was normal. (I used to avoid this type of friendship because I thought they would take advantage)

Soon these things got up to the ears of her fiancée. Man! Was he mad! He came to talk with her. He called me for a confrontation. I said that we were just friends. He didn’t believe it. Then I apologized and swore that I would have nothing to do with her for the rest of my life. My friendship with her broke that day. I didn’t reply to her letters she had written to me months later. I didn’t even reply to her e-mails. I just shut her out of my life. But could I really do it? I couldn’t. I still have her photographs. I still have her memories. Sometimes I see her in Thimphu. She has had a child. I could have been the father, but I wouldn’t. She was never meant to be mine. She taught me how to differentiate between good and bad, and how to go for the bad to change it to good.

For that alone I thank you, I salute you, my friend.