September 1, 2016

I am Back

I want to post something daily this month as part of my September blog-athon. So I kick start with attempting an excuse with why I didn't write for the past year (well….almost a year). I didn't go completely off-grid. I was active on Facebook managing my five pages and three groups, and I was active on Instagram. But I did neglect Twitter, while I was on-line on WeChat only sparingly. So I had missed blogging. 

Maybe it was the pressure of a new boss, and newer responsibilities. Or maybe I was simply lazy. Or I didn't want a certain someone to read my blogs and complain about it, as she always does. She doesn't like the subjects I touch. But in all these I missed blogging. I wrote a load of stuff in these days, but they were all sensitive (to my personal life, they being all romantic reminisces) which I dare not post here, lest someone read it and get worked up unnecessarily.

Few of my readers felt it necessary to actually drop messages on Facebook asking me to blog again. So in a spur-of-the-moment decision, I decided to write a post a day for this month, just to try and keep up. I want to touch some aspects of my personal life that I find worth sharing to my readers.

So this is my post for the day.

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And it’s been quite a long time since I took up a pen to write down my thoughts. But how do I unravel these jumbled emotions. How do I take the courage to bare my soul? I am indeed in a deep dilemma, where my emotions play turmoil to this unsound soul.

Every morning is a big debate….with myself. A debate between the old Dawa and the new KK. Now you guys must be wondering who this Dawa is.

It is myself. I am Dawa Gyeltshen, the name I was born with, and the name my parents, siblings and cousins call me. At home I am either Uncle Dawa, Ata Dawa, or simple Dawa. Even the friends with whom I grew up call me Dawa. That is how I know who were there from my past. I became KK from my high school days, through college and later in my profession. I was either KK sir or sir KK to everyone. Or simply KK.

So….every morning is a debate of whether to totally embrace the new KK and leave the old Dawa, or to have multiple personalities. And in a sense I do have multiple personalities. I have one for my away-places and another for here where I work.

Here I am someone that people and kids look up to. I have to walk a certain way, smile a certain way, forget swearing, dress a certain way, keep my hair a certain way. When I say a certain way, it is the way the society expects of me. Of course there is no written rule about it, but if I break any of the norms, society will point fingers at me.

Far away from here, at the away-places I am someone else. I am a new person.

So who am I? is a question that will haunt me for the rest of my life.