October 19, 2006

A Letter from Dawa

Date: October 19, 2006.

Dear Kinky,
Count on your fingers, how many years has gone by without any form of correspondence between us. It doesn't mean that l have forgotten you. l did sometimes, when there was utter bliss in my life, but in one corner of my heart, you weee always alive as mine.

Did you really think that those bygone years would dull your memories in me?

Did you really think that l would distance myself from you deliberately? There was a reason. The reason was that l loved you so much l was afraid your reputation would be marred, that you would be destroyed had you been seen with me any longer. Remember, l did not have a nice reputation during those times.

But now l have changed. Yes for the better.

If you see the changed me, you will not know me. Yes, l have changed, keeping you in mind. I remember how you would chide me for smoking, drinking, partying . . . and l have taken these into consideration. l am ready to take you in now. Are you ready to forgive a man who wronged you? Are you ready to leave everything and come to me?

l know that this type of decision should not be made in haste, but l also know that you promised to wait for me.

After Khaling l went to Kelki, finished it, joined RIM, and have become someone. l am able to stand on my own feet. Was it not what you wanted? . . . for me to stand on my own feet? Yes, I have achieved that.

You said that you would wait for me to come to you, after standing on my own feet. l am standing tall now, come to me.

But l think it is futile, isn't it? How could you marry Pema? He was our friend, to whom l had entrusted you, but you married him. Did you know that Pema was supposed to take care of you for me? lf you think that you were just taken care of by Pema, then come to me. You changed me. You saved me. Why didn't you wait for me? I have been searching for you for the past year and l come to know now that you are pretty much alive. Why didn't you try to find me?

"Sometimes, when we meet our past beloved along the way, we pretend;
We pretend to not know them,
We pretend to be strangers
And pass along, avoiding each other's eyes."

So you have also adopted that posture with me, isn't it? Or did you genuinely not know me as we met last night? The man who asked you for the direction to the nearest PCO was me.

All right then! The world is small that we might meet again, so to curtail that l am going away, to another place. Thus we will not have the smallest chance of meeting, and embarrass each other. If you are happy being with Pema, then there is nothing else l want.

So, adieu. l bid you farewell.


(Dawa)
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