Date:
21st August, 2005.
Dear Babe,
I have just
finished reading ‘Love Story’, once again. I have lost count of the number of
times I have read this book.
I cried. I
cried for Jenny, for Ollie, and for myself. My tears come at a price. Why do…
why…? (I forget the question). Your
thoughts do not come so intense in my heart and mind, as it used to happen a
long time ago. What does it indicate? Am
I falling out of love? I find solace in my job, my music, my readings and my
books. I do not want to lose you, but it seems the word ‘you’ has taken a
different meaning. You are receding and I don’t want it to happen. I don’t want
to be without you, yet I don’t seem to be with you. Am I turning nuts?
My heart
pains, but I don’t know why. Maybe I miss you… maybe your love… maybe ‘love’
itself. I feel alone. Sleeping alone, dreaming about you, waking alone – this
seems, but a part of my life. Maybe my destiny forbids me to be yours.
Can’t we change destiny?
Can’t we change fate?
Can’t you be ‘just-another-girl-my-mother-would-like’
or are you my sour-ex personified?
I wronged
her. I want to say sorry – a genuine sorry. I wronged many. I want to say sorry
– am genuinely sorry. I loved them, and maybe still do, but situations demand
change – and I changed.
My heart cries for them, for you. I
want to see you, to explain everything. I miss you sometimes.
I love you Babe,
even though I don’t understand what I mean by it.
Bye,
Dawa
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