Of Me versus Me

And it’s been quite a long time since I took up a pen to write down my thoughts. But how do I unravel these jumbled emotions. How do I take the courage to bare my soul?

I am indeed in a deep dilemma, where my emotions play turmoil to this unsound soul.

Every morning is a big debate….with myself. A debate between the old Dawa and the new KK. Now you guys must be wondering who this Dawa is.

It is myself. I am Dawa Gyeltshen, the name I was born with, and the name my parents, siblings and cousins call me. At home I am either Uncle Dawa, Ata Dawa, or simple Dawa. Even the friends with whom I grew up call me Dawa. That is how I know who were there from my past.

I became KK from my high school days, through college and later in my profession. I was either KK sir or sir KK to everyone. Or simply KK.

So….every morning is a debate of whether to totally embrace the new KK and leave the old Dawa, or to have multiple personalities.

And in a sense I do have multiple personalities. I have one for my away-places and another for here where I work.

Here I am someone that people and kids look up to. I have to walk a certain way, smile a certain way, forget swearing, dress a certain way, keep my hair a certain way. When I say a certain way, it is the way the society expects of me. Of course there is no written rule about it, but if I break any of the rules, society might point fingers at me.

Far away from here, at the away-places I am someone else. I am a new person. I leave my work. I leave my colleagues. I only take my friends.