Random Thoughts on a Lazy Afternoon

What am I doing here? What is my life’s worth? How many people will miss me when I am gone? How many people missed me when I left Gaselo?... Orong?... Nganglam? My worth is my reputation…among my colleagues, my friends and my students. But who are they?

I have worked with around 100 colleagues in my last three schools, and even though they weren’t always ‘good’ welcomes, there were better stays. The farewells were excellent in Nganglam and Gaselo, but not in Orong. I had served the longest there, but my colleagues deemed me unimportant, incidentally letting me go without a bang but a soft hiss. So my colleagues in Orong didn’t seem fit to cater to my desire to be acknowledged for the 5 years of wonderful contributions I made to Orong high school.

My friends, on the other hand, made my stay in these schools memorable. They were there through my ups and downs. I had my best memories with them, and they will always be a part of me even though I’ve drifted apart from a few of them. The beautiful moments I spent with them are forever etched in my heart. They contributed to what I am right now. They gave me the best times of my stay in their schools.

And, my students, who inspire me to be better, are my best young lot of friends. Their words of praise and encouragement are food from heaven. Their words add to my comfort zone and inspire me to do things better. I have scolded them, encouraged them, cajoled them, hurt them,…but yet they rise like a phoenix, out of the ashes and become better. They are the ones who encourage me the most. A kind word from them is worth thousands.

So, today I am in Jakar deciding on who I am. Thinking about the past gives me sorrow, because I spent most years of my life in one place i.e. 5 years in Orong, and I was let off silently. I may try to forget, but I know I won’t be able to forgive.